I spent years struggling with my self-worth. Teen pregnancy, abortion, sexual and physical abuse by an intimate partner, attempted suicide, and addiction were my high school experience and paved the way for years of feeling unworthy to live the life I had always dreamt of.
Even after I finally found sobriety, I struggled to find purpose and joy in life because all I could think about was not using and hiding my past from everyone.
Then, I found my purpose, found love, and I was on the path to living the life I had dreamed of before drugs changed it all. In one day, it was all stripped away. I was plunged into single motherhood as a full-time student on a part time waitress salary. Life went from joyful to constant hustle. I was either working, studying, or mothering. There was no time for me.
I eventually found love again and felt like I was on my way to making the life I dreamed of helping other addicts recover from a life of addiction. Life was looking great I was engaged, one year away from graudating with a Bachelor's Degree in Community, Family, and Addiction Services, and excited to move to Colorado with my future husband. Then, six weeks before our wedding, my fiance overdosed on opiates and over the counter cough and cold meds. I was gutted. I was inconsolable.
The cold hard truth was that he had been struggling, silently, with an opiate addiction that started after he broke his ankle in high school.
How could I be so blind to what was happening right in front of my eyes. How had I missed his pain? The truth was something I knew but didn't want to face. We addicts, are PROFESSIONALS at hiding our pain and our problems. My love for him had blinded me to his faults, his hurt, and his substance use for a moment too long.
I started doubting my purpose. I started to wonder if I was too broken to help anyone. Life turned into a fight to survive. A fight to have enough to provide for my child.
My dreams took a backseat to my needs. I took one job after college because it was a great job with great benefits. From there, I worked my way up to being second in command in the City Secretary’s Office.
Then, I moved to Dallas and took on another job in that same field. Eventually, I found myself in a corporate job, in a field I somewhat enjoyed, and working for people that made me crazy.
I woke up one day and realized I could hardly remember the last year. I had run so long on autopilot that I wasn’t sure how I had gotten there. I had started drinking to "decompress" and I had completely numbed all the pain of leaving my dreams on the backburner, the stress of the work day, and the issues of daily life.
Have you ever pulled up in your driveway but don’t remember driving there? Yep, that is exactly the way I felt about the last year of my life. How the hell had I gotten here and what happen to the girl who was so excited to help other people heal their past wounds and build a life they love?! That was the day Bella Grayce Coaching was born.
That was the day I decided to walk out of the fog of monotonous life routines, put down the wine and vodka, and walked into a life I love. It has been a battle to get where I am today but I use each and every lesson in my life to empower you to create an abundant life that you love!
The mission of Bella Grayce Coaching is to empower you to say NO to the mundane, say no to living each day just like the last one, or to run on autopilot any longer. Together we will empower you to cultivate an abundantly fulfilling life in recovery that you are excited about!